Lol. *Waves back*. I would be glad to help you! For all of my transcoding stuff, I use MediaCoder. In MediaCoder, down at the bottom of the program are all the ways to customize the file output. If you click the "right" arrow key, you will eventually come up to a Subtitle tab. If the MKV video file already has the subtitles built into it, just click on the file once in the MediaCoder interface, go to the subtitle tab, and under Language choose "English" (or the language of the subtitle). Then, upon output, the subtitles will be there in the language that you choose.
More detailed info may be found here:
MediaCoder Subtitling Guide - MediaCoderWiki