I'm writing a fantasy novel, game or movie, whatever. Help me out.

[BohrGnosis]

As the title suggests I'm working on a story with a friend of mine. been in progress for a couple of years. I'm a little worried about posting it for all to see because it would be easy to steal but I have a few very important pieces that need to be completed to string the story together. If people are interested then i will post more, we'll see...

Spoiler

this is a poem or such which has been used for generations as part of the education of the children of the inhabitants of an isolated island.
--------------------

The world was absolutely designed by a single concoiusness.
All life has a spirit placed in an absolutely designed universe
to live a life completely ruled all the choices of which perfect conciousness would be aware that they would make.


Everything that is consumed by one or another;
must have it's own life in some form or another:

When life is consumed in one way or another,
that life will join theirs in their way or the other.

when life is created from seed or a mother:
that life comes from that source or possibly, another.

If life flows from the heavens or some far off other,
all life is sacred, as one's friend or one's mother.

As we grow, our life grows,
as our physical and perceptual selves grow,
also does our spiritual and actual selves grow.
(sense of self)

as our body excretes the waste of consumption,
it uses the nourishment for it's only function:
to build and rebuild and to correct most malfunction
and (beckon) new vessles for life to (join the physical life)


(our spirit diffuses and discards incompatible energys
toxic food affects our health, toxic spirits/energy also)

[alex1_phang3]

Hmm . . . the part at the end sounded like Biology XD. But then it might make a nice novel or movie, but not a game.

[BohrGnosis]

Everything in brackets are notes, I can't seem to finish it. but it is important to the story. i way have to start from scratch on this poem thing.

Here's a rough breakdown of the story

Spoiler

main character lives on island with no contact to the outside world.
he escapes to find a new land where he is rescued by people with a different language.
he meets an old man who speaks his language and teaches him.
the world is full of steam technology using a special rock which is only found in the area.
the land is also filled with strange beasts unlike on the other continents.
he learns that the world had a massive war because they believed the world to be over populated and consuming the life of the planet. all life at that time was weak (plants and animals etc) they fought eachother to make more life available to their own nation.
the land where the main character is, is full of the refugees of that war from different nations. only one nation had a small settlement from before the war, they have military weapons but all live in peace.
we learn that the rock used for the steam tech was actually a meteorite and is affecting the life of the planet.
the bad guy who is the leader of the original settlers tries to supply steam tech weapons to his mother country despite knowing the truth behind the "decreasing life" of the planet.
the main character saves the world.

It sounds boring like that but as i said i am a little paranoid about my idea being swiped. when it is copy written, then i will give away the secrets. (will be this year)

[alex1_phang3]

Now thats sounds interesting~ how can I help?

*Btw, why does the life of the planet sounds like FF7? XD

[BohrGnosis]

lol, there has been some inspiration from many of the ff series.

Spoiler

in this case it is closer to "the spirit within" ff movie from the USA. but completely different too. i have been inspired by many things but nothing is plagiarized. I do have small hope that i we can sell the idea to squaresoft or another developer to make a game but i dont mind as long as i get paid.

i need help with a few things but i thought 1 at a time is better. 1st i need to finish this poem\nursery rhyme. I need 1 more "grows" line, 1 more "unction" line and 1 or two more verses to finish it. the concept is there just not the right words and i havn't thought of a satisfactory conclusion. the conclusion should be something like "we should care for the food that we eat because it will become us" bettr to eat a happy chicken than a frightened chicken. (i recently found a similar theme in the anime Arjuna, but it was not my inspiration, its actually something i believe, quantum science)

[kami]

I don't know if this helps at all but this is what I came up with. Tell me what you think.

If life is created from a far off other
That if is as sacred as a friend or a mother.

[BohrGnosis]

!! That's great! Nice one Kami, I'll edit into the original post.

edit - this is what Kami has hepled me to ad,
"If life flows from the heavens or some far off other,
all life is sacred, as one's friend or one's mother."

you get a mention as a collaborator for my story. I'm even going to name a character after you (kami is japanese for god but lucky the characters don't speak japanese. but it will still need to suit the name, a beast? a summoning? a literal god or worshipped idol?... in any case it's written into my notes)

[kami]

Wow. Thank you. I'm happy to be of help. ^^

[BohrGnosis]

I also need some ideas for some weapons, vehicles and other forms of fantasy technology using steam. here are the fundamentals of the technology used in my story:

Spoiler

the black rock (the meteorite\dead planets core)

is the only source of energy know to the inhabbitants of the land. it is able to maintain its temperature almost indefinitely. by heating the stone in a fire it becomes red hot, then it is used in valved tanks to turn water to steam. the intense heat of the steam means that a litre of water may be continually dispersed from a hole aprox 1/2mm diametre at a preassure that can cut soft allolys for aprox 20hrs. (research water evaporation)

the tanks or "charges" are quite heavy as the metal is quite thick in order to contain the liquid with out ruptureing. inferior charges have been known to explode creating schrapnel and intense scalding steam. any one within 1m of an exploding charge will not survive. (grenades can also be made, although very unstable. people who carry grenades are considered to be insane)

these charges are used to power weapons, vehicles, tools, communications and electricity (crude turbines create lighting in the electric town and for thoes in other towns who have purchased the technology. electricity is in its very early stages)

the charges are replaceable and come in different sizes and strengths.there are differences in quality. trades people who produce the tanks are revered and their reputation for their skill is paramount. after a charge explodes, the tradesperson will be shamed often resulting in suicide.

the castle uses the secret volcano on which the castle has been built, to heat the black rock to white heat. this makes for very powerful charges and the water lasts alot longer. therefore they can use smaller charges which is particularly useful in weapons and vehicles designed to travel long distances carrying alot of weight. tampering with castle technology is punishable by death. the secret behind the white heat is a very well kept secret. apart from thoes who dare to obtain and dissassemble military equipment, nobody even knows how it is that the castles steam technology is so advanced.

eg:spider bike/rock hopper.
a light weight tricycle with a mechanism to "jump". the wheels being on "arms" are able to extend and retract and also lever in and out. by retracting all arms and making the stance as wide as possible they "snap" in to the centre and extend simultaniously causing the vehicle the launch off the ground. it has a kind of "trials bike" feel and can be used to navigate mountains.

[kami]

Do you have a particular rhyme scheme you want for the concluding line(s)?

Another idea for a line:
And as everything grows, ourself can we (learn to) know.

Or something like that.