Running away (A story I'm making... xP)

[Skelletonike]

Prologue

Run, I’ll run when I have too… Hide, I’ll hide when I can... Ever since that day, this all I can do, after all, I’ll never be more than just a coward.


2 Years ago

I was waiting for my younger brother to come home, but he was late so I went to look for him. After I vastly searched through our neighborhood I still hadn’t found him, so I decided to look near the river.
It was then, that all my dreams and hopes shattered. I found my brother laying on the floor, his clothes were all ragged and thorn apart, his naked body was full of bruises, and on his chest there was a skull shaped dagger. With my face drenched in tears, and with my heart aching in pain, I approached him to see if he was okay.
‘Run away, leave everything behind and never stop running’ I was concerned about my brother, so why’d I think about something like that? What kind of brother am I to even think something as coward as that? After approaching him I saw tears on his face, yet, he was smiling.


Present Day

From that day on, I’ve always had that thought in mind, and that’s what I’ve been doing for the past two years. But damn… I’m really nothing more than just a coward… Otherwise, why would I be hiding in my room for two whole years?

Escape 1 - Regret

My name is Phoenix Garou (?), I’m 17 (?) years old and I once dreamed to be Biologist. I know it’s not an exciting job to have, but it’d make me closer to the nature, and maybe then, I’d be able to find my family’s secret.
That’s right; I haven’t explained about my family yet. My family name, Garou, and it has some secret behind it. Maybe then I’ll find who killed my brother and just maybe, I’d stop running away.
But like I mentioned before, it was only a dream, I don’t go to school for two years now, and I haven’t left my room during the whole time.


2 years ago

“We’re here near the Oruo’d river to give you the latest news report.
Today a young boy’s body was found at the bay but no witness were found, we have with us the boy that found the body and the older brother of the victim. We’ll try asking what he thinks of this.”

That day, I can’t remember what I replied to that reporter. To be honest, I don’t remember anything after that.


Present day

Do you know how it feels to see your only family disappearing right in front of you?
Anyway, today I’m going to leave the room. I’m tired of looking at the window, seeing people walking their dog, young couples walking while hugging themselves, and old men playing poker in the park.
These walls are covered in dust, the room is filled with trash and the only thing I keep clean and care about is my brother’s computer.
I’ve looked at this doorknob for so long but never thought the day of that I’d open it again would be today, and definitely not because of such a petty reason like this.

(Escape 1 not finished yet)

[Beloved_Goddess]

you have a great imaginations!
and the story is just enchanting!!
continue to write...i will be your number one fan!!^^
its a good story^^
*huggles*
i like the words you use...slow the pace of the story a little and try to describe the scenery better so we have a more broad idea as to where things are happening.
but you are very talented!
*huggles*
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

[swifterX]

*sniff*sniff* soooo saaad.... how could the brother die!!! noooooo!!!!!

[MUNA-SAMA]

first don't judge ur own work until it's finished.
second u r v good in expressing the time sequence.
dont make the story based on short scenes but keep mysterious things for the reader to figure out by making the characters speaking about it self then we can figure what happened but it will stay a guess.
describe the places around the characters and occasionally spot the light on small things that wont be taken into considration but it will affect the story line,just like flashes.

these are just humble advices from me,but u seems v good,
we will wait 4 the rest ok ;-)

[Beloved_Goddess]

Everything Muna has said is right...short scenes like the flash backs doesn't have the affect it could have. i mean i read taht the guy has lost his brother but so far the only thing i feel pity for is that he has locked himself in his room for 2 years. and also he is leaving th room for the first time in two years and i am assuming he hasn't even watched tv to keep track of whats going on. and ig his brother is his only living relative then how does he pay for the house he lives in if he hadn't been working for two years? who does he live with. how do the people handle this two years abscense? is he close with the people he lives with? you have to understand that this guy must have the emotions of fear leaving his safe heaven so make sure to describe that...if i think of more i will let you know^^

[Nathaniel]

well pretty nice work if ya hav just started though twisting the story a bit more can engross the readers and capture their attention try using simile's and phrases so as to maintain the intrest..xD