"some of the things i write" comments and critics - Page 2

DemonGod · 03-18-2008, 07:33 PM

I don't really know I just write what comes to mind

teen4truth · 04-02-2008, 04:18 AM

I just read the first 6, nice work! Normally I hate non-rhyming poems, but I really like your stuff!

The only one I didn't like was the first because I didn't fully agree with it, but that's a whole nother conversation in itself.

I loved Attacked?, Love, and Suffering.

Attacked? was cool because it took a unique twist on a topic that tons of poems have been written on.

I like Love so much because it's the sad story of so many teens-and even adults-today. I do have to say that I didn't fully understand the end part of 'never to be heard of again.'

I liked pain because it makes a dark point that holds a lot of truth. I didn't fully agree with the 'nothing can cure it, nothing can reach it' part, but once again that's a whole nother conversation in itself.

Gosh sorry this is so long but I very rarely actually enjoy poems I read by other users on forums ^^;

I guess I like yours so much because they felt real and honest, they make a connection with a lot of us teens, and they're very clear and easy to understand-so many people seem to over use flowerdy words and phrases to make their stuff sound good or dreamy and just end up with a pile of meaningless, disconnected lines that may or may not have a sense of beauty.

Nice work, cousin! *huggles*

oh btw do you mind if I save some to my com?

DemonGod · 04-03-2008, 07:46 PM

that is officially the best comment i've ever had.

i don't want to start a debate over the first poem either.

the end of love is just what it says, she would never hear of me again.

and for pain, as far as i know a cure for the death and suffering in the world is yet to be found, but if you have another vision on that part i don't mind it, i think poems are meant to be that way.

I don't mind if you save some to your computer, i would be honoured if you would do that

Barzillal · 04-04-2008, 01:05 AM

wow teeny o.O thats a nice interpretation of Demon's poem

teen4truth · 04-04-2008, 03:58 AM

hey you spelt honored funny are you British or something? Sorry guys I guess that has nothing to do with poetry ^^;

DemonGod · 04-04-2008, 10:10 PM

how do you mean funny, this is how you spell it according to my dictionary
and no i'm not british, i'm dutch

teen4truth · 04-05-2008, 04:51 AM

mmmm yet another person to make me feel boring for being American XD

DemonGod · 04-06-2008, 01:32 PM

want to switch countries, i hate mine, it's totally anime dead...

and do you have a suggestion for a next poem, i'm kinda idea-less now

03-18-2008, 07:33 PM	#11 (permalink)
DemonGod Koyuki 愛してる <3 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: In my dreams, together with her Age: 16 Posts: 3,104 Rep Power: 834	I don't really know I just write what comes to mind __________________ thanks a lot sano ^^ thanks de-kun ^^ My claimed characters ^^ Spoiler so shortly summarised in 1 pic xD: Spoiler Some of the things I've written: http://www.animea.net/forums/f50/som...w-s-emo-17252/ Place comments for those things here: http://www.animea.net/forums/f51/som...critics-17253/ My FC's :3: Spoiler proud leader of the proud member of the: no banner...: proud leader of the Konata Izumi FanClub proud member of the Higurashi FanClub proud member of the Rozen Maiden FanClub BIG UPDATE AnimeA's family tree (if something's wrong pm me): Spoiler Large version: Spoiler Small version: Spoiler My personality tests (six now... i really need to quit this habit xD) Spoiler Which Final Fantasy Character Are You? "Blue You are calm and controlled. You are also very sweet and get along with others well. Sometimes others do not understand why you are so nice and think you have a hidden agenda. If you do...thats to bad, but if you don't you have nothing to worry about! =]" twilight test: "You are Edward! You are extremely good-looking and loving with excellent taste in music. Apparently your hobbies include music, fastness, and Bella. ^.~" seems she was right about me >.> but i would replace the Bella hobby with Koyuki ;) o.o vampire test: You're a vampire bat. Aww... who's the cutest-wutest vampire in the world? You are! Normal vampires tend to be cranky and mean, but you're a sweet, sensitive little thing. You don't want to live in a drafty old castle; you'd rather hang out somewhere tropical with all of your friends. When you get hungry, instead of biting big holes in someone's neck, you make two teeny holes in their finger and lap up the blood with your tongue. If you could just shake that unfortunate habit of feeding on people while they're sleeping, you'd probably be the most popular pet on the planet -- you're fuzzy, you fit in a handbag, and you fly! i wrote these for you Koyuki ^^ Spoiler Close but far away My thoughts always where you are My wishes spent on meeting you I talk to you everyday Share my feelings Spill my thoughts Spend every second i can with you But yet we're separated Unable to see each other Unable to hear each other I can feel my heartbeat And somewhere i feel yours As i send my love out to you Hoping we'll finally meet an ocean apart I'm always there Right by your side Never leaving Never parting I can feel your close Always near me This feeling inside My heart calls for you I awake from my dream And face reality It's cruel, I know But it can't be helped Because you're in fact far away an ocean apart a change for the better I always thought, my life had no meaning I always thought, it wouldn't matter if I died Nothing to live for, nothing to fight for Nothing to cherish, nothing to protect But I have changed, my life has changed I have something to live for, to fight for Something to cherish, something to protect Ever since I met you Ever since I spoke these words I love you and I will always do love you have no idea what you're doing to me whenever i think about you my heart beats like crazy whenever i talk to you everything else disappears i don't really care about myself anymore i only care about you because as long as you're okay so am i when you're happy, i am when you're sad, i am too and i will try to cheer you up because i want you to be happy above all that's all i want because i love you and i need you more than i need myself the rest of my sig: Spoiler Other signatures by de-kun and tama-san: Spoiler More pics!! XD Spoiler How to not open a door XD Spoiler

04-02-2008, 04:18 AM	#12 (permalink)
teen4truth Bélias Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 219 Rep Power: 206	I just read the first 6, nice work! Normally I hate non-rhyming poems, but I really like your stuff! The only one I didn't like was the first because I didn't fully agree with it, but that's a whole nother conversation in itself. I loved Attacked?, Love, and Suffering. Attacked? was cool because it took a unique twist on a topic that tons of poems have been written on. I like Love so much because it's the sad story of so many teens-and even adults-today. I do have to say that I didn't fully understand the end part of 'never to be heard of again.' I liked pain because it makes a dark point that holds a lot of truth. I didn't fully agree with the 'nothing can cure it, nothing can reach it' part, but once again that's a whole nother conversation in itself. Gosh sorry this is so long but I very rarely actually enjoy poems I read by other users on forums ^^; I guess I like yours so much because they felt real and honest, they make a connection with a lot of us teens, and they're very clear and easy to understand-so many people seem to over use flowerdy words and phrases to make their stuff sound good or dreamy and just end up with a pile of meaningless, disconnected lines that may or may not have a sense of beauty. Nice work, cousin! huggles oh btw do you mind if I save some to my com? __________________ I'm a Creationist because of personal spiritual experience and because of science. Want to discuss creation/evolution? Feel free to message me. A ship on a voyage could sink in the deep A ship in the shallow could crack on the reef Only ashore is it safe where it is built... But only ashore is it useless. -from Dream by GS Megaphone Last edited by teen4truth; 04-02-2008 at 04:22 AM.

04-03-2008, 07:46 PM	#13 (permalink)
DemonGod Koyuki 愛してる <3 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: In my dreams, together with her Age: 16 Posts: 3,104 Rep Power: 834	that is officially the best comment i've ever had. i don't want to start a debate over the first poem either. the end of love is just what it says, she would never hear of me again. and for pain, as far as i know a cure for the death and suffering in the world is yet to be found, but if you have another vision on that part i don't mind it, i think poems are meant to be that way. I don't mind if you save some to your computer, i would be honoured if you would do that __________________ thanks a lot sano ^^ thanks de-kun ^^ My claimed characters ^^ Spoiler so shortly summarised in 1 pic xD: Spoiler Some of the things I've written: http://www.animea.net/forums/f50/som...w-s-emo-17252/ Place comments for those things here: http://www.animea.net/forums/f51/som...critics-17253/ My FC's :3: Spoiler proud leader of the proud member of the: no banner...: proud leader of the Konata Izumi FanClub proud member of the Higurashi FanClub proud member of the Rozen Maiden FanClub BIG UPDATE AnimeA's family tree (if something's wrong pm me): Spoiler Large version: Spoiler Small version: Spoiler My personality tests (six now... i really need to quit this habit xD) Spoiler Which Final Fantasy Character Are You? "Blue You are calm and controlled. You are also very sweet and get along with others well. Sometimes others do not understand why you are so nice and think you have a hidden agenda. If you do...thats to bad, but if you don't you have nothing to worry about! =]" twilight test: "You are Edward! You are extremely good-looking and loving with excellent taste in music. Apparently your hobbies include music, fastness, and Bella. ^.~" seems she was right about me >.> but i would replace the Bella hobby with Koyuki ;) o.o vampire test: You're a vampire bat. Aww... who's the cutest-wutest vampire in the world? You are! Normal vampires tend to be cranky and mean, but you're a sweet, sensitive little thing. You don't want to live in a drafty old castle; you'd rather hang out somewhere tropical with all of your friends. When you get hungry, instead of biting big holes in someone's neck, you make two teeny holes in their finger and lap up the blood with your tongue. If you could just shake that unfortunate habit of feeding on people while they're sleeping, you'd probably be the most popular pet on the planet -- you're fuzzy, you fit in a handbag, and you fly! i wrote these for you Koyuki ^^ Spoiler Close but far away My thoughts always where you are My wishes spent on meeting you I talk to you everyday Share my feelings Spill my thoughts Spend every second i can with you But yet we're separated Unable to see each other Unable to hear each other I can feel my heartbeat And somewhere i feel yours As i send my love out to you Hoping we'll finally meet an ocean apart I'm always there Right by your side Never leaving Never parting I can feel your close Always near me This feeling inside My heart calls for you I awake from my dream And face reality It's cruel, I know But it can't be helped Because you're in fact far away an ocean apart a change for the better I always thought, my life had no meaning I always thought, it wouldn't matter if I died Nothing to live for, nothing to fight for Nothing to cherish, nothing to protect But I have changed, my life has changed I have something to live for, to fight for Something to cherish, something to protect Ever since I met you Ever since I spoke these words I love you and I will always do love you have no idea what you're doing to me whenever i think about you my heart beats like crazy whenever i talk to you everything else disappears i don't really care about myself anymore i only care about you because as long as you're okay so am i when you're happy, i am when you're sad, i am too and i will try to cheer you up because i want you to be happy above all that's all i want because i love you and i need you more than i need myself the rest of my sig: Spoiler Other signatures by de-kun and tama-san: Spoiler More pics!! XD Spoiler How to not open a door XD Spoiler

04-04-2008, 01:05 AM	#14 (permalink)
Barzillal Vanguard Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Under the stairs Posts: 7,542 Rep Power: 223	wow teeny o.O thats a nice interpretation of Demon's poem __________________ sig made by our very own de-kun I will be in and out... I have something to do ahahaha D: Christ I hate...this Fanclubs Spoiler Family Tree Spoiler

04-04-2008, 03:58 AM	#15 (permalink)
teen4truth Bélias Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 219 Rep Power: 206	hey you spelt honored funny are you British or something? Sorry guys I guess that has nothing to do with poetry ^^; __________________ I'm a Creationist because of personal spiritual experience and because of science. Want to discuss creation/evolution? Feel free to message me. A ship on a voyage could sink in the deep A ship in the shallow could crack on the reef Only ashore is it safe where it is built... But only ashore is it useless. -from Dream by GS Megaphone

04-04-2008, 10:10 PM	#16 (permalink)
DemonGod Koyuki 愛してる <3 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: In my dreams, together with her Age: 16 Posts: 3,104 Rep Power: 834	how do you mean funny, this is how you spell it according to my dictionary and no i'm not british, i'm dutch __________________ thanks a lot sano ^^ thanks de-kun ^^ My claimed characters ^^ Spoiler so shortly summarised in 1 pic xD: Spoiler Some of the things I've written: http://www.animea.net/forums/f50/som...w-s-emo-17252/ Place comments for those things here: http://www.animea.net/forums/f51/som...critics-17253/ My FC's :3: Spoiler proud leader of the proud member of the: no banner...: proud leader of the Konata Izumi FanClub proud member of the Higurashi FanClub proud member of the Rozen Maiden FanClub BIG UPDATE AnimeA's family tree (if something's wrong pm me): Spoiler Large version: Spoiler Small version: Spoiler My personality tests (six now... i really need to quit this habit xD) Spoiler Which Final Fantasy Character Are You? "Blue You are calm and controlled. You are also very sweet and get along with others well. Sometimes others do not understand why you are so nice and think you have a hidden agenda. If you do...thats to bad, but if you don't you have nothing to worry about! =]" twilight test: "You are Edward! You are extremely good-looking and loving with excellent taste in music. Apparently your hobbies include music, fastness, and Bella. ^.~" seems she was right about me >.> but i would replace the Bella hobby with Koyuki ;) o.o vampire test: You're a vampire bat. Aww... who's the cutest-wutest vampire in the world? You are! Normal vampires tend to be cranky and mean, but you're a sweet, sensitive little thing. You don't want to live in a drafty old castle; you'd rather hang out somewhere tropical with all of your friends. When you get hungry, instead of biting big holes in someone's neck, you make two teeny holes in their finger and lap up the blood with your tongue. If you could just shake that unfortunate habit of feeding on people while they're sleeping, you'd probably be the most popular pet on the planet -- you're fuzzy, you fit in a handbag, and you fly! i wrote these for you Koyuki ^^ Spoiler Close but far away My thoughts always where you are My wishes spent on meeting you I talk to you everyday Share my feelings Spill my thoughts Spend every second i can with you But yet we're separated Unable to see each other Unable to hear each other I can feel my heartbeat And somewhere i feel yours As i send my love out to you Hoping we'll finally meet an ocean apart I'm always there Right by your side Never leaving Never parting I can feel your close Always near me This feeling inside My heart calls for you I awake from my dream And face reality It's cruel, I know But it can't be helped Because you're in fact far away an ocean apart a change for the better I always thought, my life had no meaning I always thought, it wouldn't matter if I died Nothing to live for, nothing to fight for Nothing to cherish, nothing to protect But I have changed, my life has changed I have something to live for, to fight for Something to cherish, something to protect Ever since I met you Ever since I spoke these words I love you and I will always do love you have no idea what you're doing to me whenever i think about you my heart beats like crazy whenever i talk to you everything else disappears i don't really care about myself anymore i only care about you because as long as you're okay so am i when you're happy, i am when you're sad, i am too and i will try to cheer you up because i want you to be happy above all that's all i want because i love you and i need you more than i need myself the rest of my sig: Spoiler Other signatures by de-kun and tama-san: Spoiler More pics!! XD Spoiler How to not open a door XD Spoiler

04-05-2008, 04:51 AM	#17 (permalink)
teen4truth Bélias Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 219 Rep Power: 206	mmmm yet another person to make me feel boring for being American XD __________________ I'm a Creationist because of personal spiritual experience and because of science. Want to discuss creation/evolution? Feel free to message me. A ship on a voyage could sink in the deep A ship in the shallow could crack on the reef Only ashore is it safe where it is built... But only ashore is it useless. -from Dream by GS Megaphone