"some of the things i write" comments and critics - Page 3

teen4truth · 04-08-2008, 02:35 AM

You can get payed to cosplay?!

maybe you could do something about friends and your perception of friendship...but I need to read some more of your stuff tonight so I can see what you already have covered.

DemonGod · 04-08-2008, 11:08 AM

yes you can get payed to cosplay, they have those costume cafe's

friendship, uuhm, i think i could try that, maybe i could add something with betrayal, or i could try to make a happy poem, for the difference.

teen4truth · 04-08-2008, 11:25 PM

sure sounds good! Tell me when you get it/them up.

DemonGod · 04-09-2008, 05:22 PM

done, what do you think?

teen4truth · 04-09-2008, 05:48 PM

Good job! You did it with the same honesty and clarity that I like so much...and now my name is in dg's poem thread! Woohoo!

So "trapped" has me curious...does the light represent anything specific?

DemonGod · 04-09-2008, 06:32 PM

that one was written, well kinda as an experiment. i just tried stuff that sounded good and it doesn't have any personal meaning to me like the other poems.

Sanouske · 04-09-2008, 06:42 PM

I read about half of your poems so far. I like your style. They seem to have nice flow and they don't get too wordy. I also like the length you use in most cases. I prefer shorter poems to longer ones, they seem to send the message a little better.

Aesar · 04-21-2008, 06:53 AM

the simplicity of the words relayed quite a huge impact on me as I was reading your last poem.
It suggest ones helplessness to some circumstances... and it does happen u know...

DemonGod · 04-21-2008, 04:48 PM

is that a positive or a negative comment?
that sounds like some kind of accusation.

Aesar · 04-21-2008, 10:14 PM

it is a positive one, cause most poems are too flashy and to the point of being redundant... your work expresses the sincerity and rawness of ones feeling when writing at the time of question

I'm chained, stuck, unable to move
I can only watch as she suffers
I can only see how she struggles
I'm feeling powerless
I'm feeling useless

these lines struck me the most

04-08-2008, 02:35 AM	#21 (permalink)
teen4truth Bélias Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 219 Rep Power: 206	You can get payed to cosplay?! maybe you could do something about friends and your perception of friendship...but I need to read some more of your stuff tonight so I can see what you already have covered. __________________ I'm a Creationist because of personal spiritual experience and because of science. Want to discuss creation/evolution? Feel free to message me. A ship on a voyage could sink in the deep A ship in the shallow could crack on the reef Only ashore is it safe where it is built... But only ashore is it useless. -from Dream by GS Megaphone

04-08-2008, 11:08 AM	#22 (permalink)
DemonGod Koi's Bunny Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: In my dreams, together with her Age: 17 Posts: 3,722 Rep Power: 1243	yes you can get payed to cosplay, they have those costume cafe's friendship, uuhm, i think i could try that, maybe i could add something with betrayal, or i could try to make a happy poem, for the difference. __________________ Thanks a bunch asura :D thanks sano ^^ What could be under this spoiler..? Spoiler omg! O: didn't expect that! My claimed characters ^^ Spoiler Some of the things I've written: http://www.animea.net/forums/f50/som...w-s-emo-17252/ Place comments for those things here: http://www.animea.net/forums/f51/som...critics-17253/ AnimeA's family tree (if something's wrong pm me) http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/i...m/stamboom.jpg It looks so much better now =D My personality tests (7 and probably still more to come o.o) Spoiler "You're black! Your deep and mysterious, the perfect mix!" "Blue You are calm and controlled. You are also very sweet and get along with others well. Sometimes others do not understand why you are so nice and think you have a hidden agenda. If you do...thats to bad, but if you don't you have nothing to worry about! =]" Which Final Fantasy Character Are You? twilight test: "You are Edward! You are extremely good-looking and loving with excellent taste in music. Apparently your hobbies include music, fastness, and Bella. ^.~" seems she was right about me >.> but i would replace the Bella hobby with Rachy ;) o.o vampire test: You're a vampire bat. Aww... who's the cutest-wutest vampire in the world? You are! Normal vampires tend to be cranky and mean, but you're a sweet, sensitive little thing. You don't want to live in a drafty old castle; you'd rather hang out somewhere tropical with all of your friends. When you get hungry, instead of biting big holes in someone's neck, you make two teeny holes in their finger and lap up the blood with your tongue. If you could just shake that unfortunate habit of feeding on people while they're sleeping, you'd probably be the most popular pet on the planet -- you're fuzzy, you fit in a handbag, and you fly! Other signatures by de-kun, tama-san and asura: Spoiler How to not open a door XD Spoiler My Deviant :3 http://demon-god.deviantart.com/ She's mine and mine only ^^ Spoiler My hot foxy ^^ My little minions :3 Spoiler please feed them and help them evolve ^^ Adopted from Valenth Visit the Official AnimeA IRC Channel ^^ Last edited by DemonGod; 04-14-2008 at 02:41 PM.

04-08-2008, 11:25 PM	#23 (permalink)
teen4truth Bélias Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 219 Rep Power: 206	sure sounds good! Tell me when you get it/them up. __________________ I'm a Creationist because of personal spiritual experience and because of science. Want to discuss creation/evolution? Feel free to message me. A ship on a voyage could sink in the deep A ship in the shallow could crack on the reef Only ashore is it safe where it is built... But only ashore is it useless. -from Dream by GS Megaphone

04-09-2008, 05:22 PM	#24 (permalink)
DemonGod Koi's Bunny Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: In my dreams, together with her Age: 17 Posts: 3,722 Rep Power: 1243	done, what do you think? __________________ Thanks a bunch asura :D thanks sano ^^ What could be under this spoiler..? Spoiler omg! O: didn't expect that! My claimed characters ^^ Spoiler Some of the things I've written: http://www.animea.net/forums/f50/som...w-s-emo-17252/ Place comments for those things here: http://www.animea.net/forums/f51/som...critics-17253/ AnimeA's family tree (if something's wrong pm me) http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/i...m/stamboom.jpg It looks so much better now =D My personality tests (7 and probably still more to come o.o) Spoiler "You're black! Your deep and mysterious, the perfect mix!" "Blue You are calm and controlled. You are also very sweet and get along with others well. Sometimes others do not understand why you are so nice and think you have a hidden agenda. If you do...thats to bad, but if you don't you have nothing to worry about! =]" Which Final Fantasy Character Are You? twilight test: "You are Edward! You are extremely good-looking and loving with excellent taste in music. Apparently your hobbies include music, fastness, and Bella. ^.~" seems she was right about me >.> but i would replace the Bella hobby with Rachy ;) o.o vampire test: You're a vampire bat. Aww... who's the cutest-wutest vampire in the world? You are! Normal vampires tend to be cranky and mean, but you're a sweet, sensitive little thing. You don't want to live in a drafty old castle; you'd rather hang out somewhere tropical with all of your friends. When you get hungry, instead of biting big holes in someone's neck, you make two teeny holes in their finger and lap up the blood with your tongue. If you could just shake that unfortunate habit of feeding on people while they're sleeping, you'd probably be the most popular pet on the planet -- you're fuzzy, you fit in a handbag, and you fly! Other signatures by de-kun, tama-san and asura: Spoiler How to not open a door XD Spoiler My Deviant :3 http://demon-god.deviantart.com/ She's mine and mine only ^^ Spoiler My hot foxy ^^ My little minions :3 Spoiler please feed them and help them evolve ^^ Adopted from Valenth Visit the Official AnimeA IRC Channel ^^

04-09-2008, 05:48 PM	#25 (permalink)
teen4truth Bélias Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Missouri, USA Posts: 219 Rep Power: 206	Good job! You did it with the same honesty and clarity that I like so much...and now my name is in dg's poem thread! Woohoo! So "trapped" has me curious...does the light represent anything specific? __________________ I'm a Creationist because of personal spiritual experience and because of science. Want to discuss creation/evolution? Feel free to message me. A ship on a voyage could sink in the deep A ship in the shallow could crack on the reef Only ashore is it safe where it is built... But only ashore is it useless. -from Dream by GS Megaphone

04-09-2008, 06:32 PM	#26 (permalink)
DemonGod Koi's Bunny Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: In my dreams, together with her Age: 17 Posts: 3,722 Rep Power: 1243	that one was written, well kinda as an experiment. i just tried stuff that sounded good and it doesn't have any personal meaning to me like the other poems. __________________ Thanks a bunch asura :D thanks sano ^^ What could be under this spoiler..? Spoiler omg! O: didn't expect that! My claimed characters ^^ Spoiler Some of the things I've written: http://www.animea.net/forums/f50/som...w-s-emo-17252/ Place comments for those things here: http://www.animea.net/forums/f51/som...critics-17253/ AnimeA's family tree (if something's wrong pm me) http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/i...m/stamboom.jpg It looks so much better now =D My personality tests (7 and probably still more to come o.o) Spoiler "You're black! Your deep and mysterious, the perfect mix!" "Blue You are calm and controlled. You are also very sweet and get along with others well. Sometimes others do not understand why you are so nice and think you have a hidden agenda. If you do...thats to bad, but if you don't you have nothing to worry about! =]" Which Final Fantasy Character Are You? twilight test: "You are Edward! You are extremely good-looking and loving with excellent taste in music. Apparently your hobbies include music, fastness, and Bella. ^.~" seems she was right about me >.> but i would replace the Bella hobby with Rachy ;) o.o vampire test: You're a vampire bat. Aww... who's the cutest-wutest vampire in the world? You are! Normal vampires tend to be cranky and mean, but you're a sweet, sensitive little thing. You don't want to live in a drafty old castle; you'd rather hang out somewhere tropical with all of your friends. When you get hungry, instead of biting big holes in someone's neck, you make two teeny holes in their finger and lap up the blood with your tongue. If you could just shake that unfortunate habit of feeding on people while they're sleeping, you'd probably be the most popular pet on the planet -- you're fuzzy, you fit in a handbag, and you fly! Other signatures by de-kun, tama-san and asura: Spoiler How to not open a door XD Spoiler My Deviant :3 http://demon-god.deviantart.com/ She's mine and mine only ^^ Spoiler My hot foxy ^^ My little minions :3 Spoiler please feed them and help them evolve ^^ Adopted from Valenth Visit the Official AnimeA IRC Channel ^^

04-09-2008, 06:42 PM	#27 (permalink)
Sanouske ~Akatsuki GFX~ Join Date: May 2007 Age: 24 Posts: 5,472 Rep Power: 275	I read about half of your poems so far. I like your style. They seem to have nice flow and they don't get too wordy. I also like the length you use in most cases. I prefer shorter poems to longer ones, they seem to send the message a little better. __________________ Spoiler My Anime List My Sig Album AnimeA's Claim an Anime Character Sig of the Month Contest

04-21-2008, 06:53 AM	#28 (permalink)
Aesar Chaos Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: behind you..... Posts: 94 Rep Power: 30	the simplicity of the words relayed quite a huge impact on me as I was reading your last poem. It suggest ones helplessness to some circumstances... and it does happen u know... __________________ "Those with power, fear us! those without, seek us!" Spoiler

04-21-2008, 04:48 PM	#29 (permalink)
DemonGod Koi's Bunny Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: In my dreams, together with her Age: 17 Posts: 3,722 Rep Power: 1243	is that a positive or a negative comment? that sounds like some kind of accusation. __________________ Thanks a bunch asura :D thanks sano ^^ What could be under this spoiler..? Spoiler omg! O: didn't expect that! My claimed characters ^^ Spoiler Some of the things I've written: http://www.animea.net/forums/f50/som...w-s-emo-17252/ Place comments for those things here: http://www.animea.net/forums/f51/som...critics-17253/ AnimeA's family tree (if something's wrong pm me) http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/i...m/stamboom.jpg It looks so much better now =D My personality tests (7 and probably still more to come o.o) Spoiler "You're black! Your deep and mysterious, the perfect mix!" "Blue You are calm and controlled. You are also very sweet and get along with others well. Sometimes others do not understand why you are so nice and think you have a hidden agenda. If you do...thats to bad, but if you don't you have nothing to worry about! =]" Which Final Fantasy Character Are You? twilight test: "You are Edward! You are extremely good-looking and loving with excellent taste in music. Apparently your hobbies include music, fastness, and Bella. ^.~" seems she was right about me >.> but i would replace the Bella hobby with Rachy ;) o.o vampire test: You're a vampire bat. Aww... who's the cutest-wutest vampire in the world? You are! Normal vampires tend to be cranky and mean, but you're a sweet, sensitive little thing. You don't want to live in a drafty old castle; you'd rather hang out somewhere tropical with all of your friends. When you get hungry, instead of biting big holes in someone's neck, you make two teeny holes in their finger and lap up the blood with your tongue. If you could just shake that unfortunate habit of feeding on people while they're sleeping, you'd probably be the most popular pet on the planet -- you're fuzzy, you fit in a handbag, and you fly! Other signatures by de-kun, tama-san and asura: Spoiler How to not open a door XD Spoiler My Deviant :3 http://demon-god.deviantart.com/ She's mine and mine only ^^ Spoiler My hot foxy ^^ My little minions :3 Spoiler please feed them and help them evolve ^^ Adopted from Valenth Visit the Official AnimeA IRC Channel ^^

04-21-2008, 10:14 PM	#30 (permalink)
Aesar Chaos Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: behind you..... Posts: 94 Rep Power: 30	it is a positive one, cause most poems are too flashy and to the point of being redundant... your work expresses the sincerity and rawness of ones feeling when writing at the time of question I'm chained, stuck, unable to move I can only watch as she suffers I can only see how she struggles I'm feeling powerless I'm feeling useless these lines struck me the most __________________ "Those with power, fear us! those without, seek us!" Spoiler

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