July Short Story Competition

[skullreken]

For this competition I want you to write a story around this quote

Why are you so surprised? This is what you wanted isn't it?

The quote must feature somewhere in the text it can be at the start in the middle or at the end and it must be relevant to the story.

• The quote must feature in the story and must be relevant to the story
• Stories must be between 500 and 3000 words long.
• All writing styles are acceptable.
• Subjects such as sex are acceptable but must be depicted tastefully. Overly descriptive details or anything equating to a pornographic novel will be removed.
• Scripts must be paragraphed with a gap of one line between each paragraph.
• The scripts must be posted in this thread before the closing time on the last day.
• Writers will be allowed to edit their scripts after posting them but not after the closing date.
• If you are dissatisfied with your entry you may replace it with another submission before the closing date.

The competition will close at 12 midnight GMT on Friday the 20th of August.

[skullreken]

Just giving this thread a bump because it seems to be going largely unnoticed theres 2 and a half weeks left till the deadline for anyone who is interested

[Muse]

Okay, so i finally got to write one for this months!! But my stupid internet was messed up all day yesterday x.x

Hope it's a good read =)

[skullreken]

we have 3 days left be sure to get you entries in

[SeriousSean]

And here it is.

“Why are you so surprised? This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” I said in exasperation.


“I hate you, you bastard!” she yelled and charged out of the office. I stood there unmoving, a single arm upraised as if to stop her. I let it fall back to my side.


A chuckle, “Wow, now you’ve even got thirteen-year-olds calling you a bastard, eh.”


I cast Reinard a quelling glance. He didn’t seem any less amused. Perhaps more, even. I sat down on the couch Reinard had in his small office, scrubbed my face with a hand, and sighed.


“I’ve gotta say, I absolutely love seeing you like this. So far and away from the you of the good ol’ bad ol’ days. You really have changed, man.” Reinard lounged comfortably behind his desk with his feet up on it.


“How’s that surprising? What’s weird is that you haven’t changed a single bit, you irrepressible, little shit.”


“Thanks, I try,” was all he said.


There was a moment of silence as I sat there considering my options. I was confused. I was sure this is what she’d wanted, but instead she calls me a bastard and then runs off. Why wouldn’t she want to stay here with children her own age rather than following an old, broken cynic like me around the wastes?


I got up off of Reinard’s couch and moved to look out his office’s window. Beyond the window there was a yard. The sound of children playing seeped into the office through the window. There was a wide range of ages. The youngest had aides constantly watching over them.


I glanced back at Reinard, feet still on his desk, waiting patiently for me to continue. He was strange. How could he have changed so much while changing so little? His personality was still the same, but his values were so different from what they had been. I suppose I wasn’t really any different though.


“I don’t understand, Reinard.”


I heard him sigh behind me. “Listen, Koli, this girl—Christ, what was her name again?”


I turned around and leaned against the window. “Layla.”


“Right. Layla. You said she was tagging along behind you for like a year or two. During which you protected her, fed her, clothed her, made sure she was in good health . . . am I missing anything? The world out there”—he gestured to the window behind me—“is a miserable shit hole, and she lived in that shit hole for years before you came along and decided to take her under your wing.


“I’ve been doing this for, oh, going on sixty years now, and, man, have I seen shit. I’m talking ten, eleven-year-olds showing signs of rape trauma. Missing limbs, eyes, deformities from being exposed to some foul shit; if you can name it then I’ve seen it.


“That’s the world you saved Layla from, and she knows it. And, however much it may pain you to hear it, she loves you. Judging from the way she speaks to you she’d never say it, but I’d bet dollars to donuts that that’s how she feels. That’s why she got angry. You may think this is best for her, but the way she sees it is that you’re trying to get rid of her, and if you are trying to get rid of her then she must’ve been nothing but a nuisance these past couple of years.”


“I never said she was a nuisance!” I nearly shouted.


“Weren’t you listening to what I said? She’s a thirteen-year-old girl. That right there is just about the most insecure thing in the universe; of course she’s going to feel that way if you do what you’re trying to do. Not to mention the fact that you’re trying to leave her in the company of strangers. She may also be afraid that things could go back to being the way they were before she met you.”


I couldn’t say he was wrong. I sighed again and sat back down on the couch.


“I don’t like it,” I said. “It’s not safe for her out there. I can’t keep watch all the time. No one can. One day I’ll slip up, miss some minor detail, something, and then she’ll be gone.”


“If I may ask, why do you just wander out there? What purpose does that serve? You already killed all of the ones who wanted you dead. Any of the other family members who harbor ill will towards you were scared off by that final performance of yours. Wandering from place to place doesn’t keep you safe from something that doesn’t exist.”


“I . . . I need to see it.”


“It? You mean that shit hole out there? My god, you’re one melancholy bastard, aren’t you. Why, for god’s sake? That”—he gestured to the window once again—“isn’t your fault. Sure, you were one magnificent bastard back in the old days, but you didn’t do this to the world. You were already done by then. You’d already woken up. As far as I know you were the first to get a conscience. After me, of course.


“I’m about to make a suggestion. Don’t get all riled up or anything when I make it and no pressure or anything like that. Why don’t you and Layla live here, Koli? She’d be safe, and I could absolutely use your help defending this place. This place is a pretty big target for bandits, and enough of them are stupid enough to try it. Like you said, I can’t keep watch all the time. One day I’ll slip up, miss some minor detail or something, and it’d be nice if you were there to see that itty, bitty detail for me.


“Well, that’s all the time I have for now, got a class to teach. Go and find your little friend and apologize to her, why don’t you.”

***

It took me a while to find her, but I did eventually. She’d found a bench tucked away in a quiet corner of the complex. She didn’t look at me as I approached or as I sat down on the other end of the bench. She probably wouldn’t want me right next to her right now. I was almost certain that she’d been crying. It took me a while to gather my thoughts, but eventually I did.


“Layla,” I said, “the only thing I want, the only things I care about are your safety and your happiness. And I don’t believe you can truly find any of those out there. You know how ugly it is out there, and I’m not perfect. I will make a mistake eventually. It’s only a matter of time.


“That’s why I want you here. In my cousin’s . . . whatever the hell it is. I believe that you’ll be safe here and that you can make friends and that you can be happy. And so—”


And suddenly she was clinging to me, crying and begging, “Please, Koli, don’t leave me here alone! I don’t wanna be left alone again! I love you, so please don’t leave me here, please!” She buried her face in my shirt and kept on sobbing.


The little brat nearly brought me to tears. Me! I comforted her and stroked her hair, and eventually she calmed down.


Once she was calm enough to hear me I said, “I have no intention of leaving you here alone, Layla. In fact, I’ve decided that I’m going to stay here too.”

[Candy_Romance]

I almost forgot to post the story. Fantastic. Hope it's not confusing...though it might be...sorry. Well see you all in December...no more stories for a while. Go school! Okay good luck everyone...I'll read your entries/stories later.

“Everyone please welcome Allis Silla, the author of Unchained Melody. Could you please introduce us to the story?”


“The story starts off on a hot summer day and the…”


(The story)


“Come on sit a little a closer. Yeah, okay that’s good,” the photographer said.


Amy and Michael-the photographer’s son were taking a picture together. They were around the same age. The photographer and Amy’s father were close buddies, almost mistakenly for brothers. A few years after that very picture was taken, they really did become like family. After Amy’s father came into some money trouble, the photographer decided to move into a bigger house where they could all stay. Everything seemed okay and worked out until…

“David, I don’t know how to say this, but I realized that if I don’t, you really could regret it. Your wife…she’s cheating on you.”

“What? Don’t spread bullshit. You’re jealous of my marriage. Some friend. No…family you are!”

“Why would I lie to you? I have no reason or motive to. I saw her go into your room with another guy. They even closed the door. All of this happened when you were gone at work. You have to believe me!”

A rift was created. The photographer started to think that maybe honesty really wasn’t the best policy after all. A few months later his wife really did leave him.

“He really didn’t understand her well. She had to take care of Amy with the money given by welfare. It’s no wonder she went into bed with another guy. He really is too horrible,” said the photographer’s wife.

The photographer was silent. What he did was right. He was sure of it moments ago, but knowing that this was how it all ended, he doubted himself. The two chums continued to live under the same roof for a few more months. The photographer had been sick of late and couldn’t afford to pay the bills any longer. Under one roof yet again, they stayed in a small cramped apartment. The tension was still visible. However, he had found someone knew.

“Old man, carry me,” said the photographer’s daughter to David.

“Okay, ready up you go.”

“Faster old man!”

His new girlfriend didn’t seem to like the fact that the little girl called him an old man. Immediately after David had gone to grab his coat, his girlfriend scorned her for calling him that. “He’s not an old man,” she says.

When David and his girlfriend came back from their date, the daughter immediately apologized. He of course didn’t mind, but his girlfriend thought differently.

“Sis, look uncle’s girlfriend painted my nails,” said the photographer’s second daughter.

The first daughter was excited. Maybe she would have her nails painted as well. Unfortunately, the girlfriend said that she wouldn’t paint her nails. The girl was slightly disappointed, but brushed it off. Deep inside, it hurt a little.

Two years later, David’s business flew off. He was successful enough to afford a house. He married his girlfriend that year. The photographer-still ill- was kindly offered a room for his family in his house. Trouble started and soon they were kicked out without much of a notice. Within one month, they were to leave the place. Currently, David now had two children, one boy and one girl. As for his other daughter, he never really kept in touch with her after the divorce from her mom.

For years, David did not contact his old friend and vice versa. It became apparent that they weren’t the same “brothers” as they were before.

Luck seemed to be on his side. “Hi. I’m Samuel Dawson. I’m a friend of your cousin. I was hoping to make a little business venture with you.”

David had agreed, but the investments were poorly organized. He had lost a lot from his savings. With the economy down as well, his business fell apart. People just weren’t interested in his products any more. With the scarce amount of jobs available, David was able to find one that didn’t pay well enough though. Alongside this madness, David’s father began the early stages of kidney failure. He stayed in the hospital for days on end. David and his old friend were to be reunited, but sadly they wouldn’t even make eye contact with each other. Carl, the ex-business partner, came to pay the father a visit.
“How do you like this city?” asked a relative.

“It’s very wonderful. There are many beautiful girls who are easy to get into bed with.” He smiled like an idiot would after bragging about his personal affairs.

The photographer felt uncomfortable hearing this, but worried more about the father. He loved the guy as if he were an actual blood relative.

The father was able to return home as doctors were unsure what exactly went wrong with his body. Upon returning home, not only did the father witness an act of infidelity but so did the new tenants of the house. David’s wife was having an affair with Carl in front of their very eyes. News spread quickly to the other relatives and even the photographer.

The photographer was in a bind. “How could this have happened AGAIN,”he thought to himself. David was a smart man but relationships were his Achilles’ heel. He could never understand a woman or maybe he was just too self-centered and absorbed in his perfect life. Who knew?

No one came to his rescue. They just let everything play out as David wanted it to. For months, the affair went on and gossip spread everywhere. Did his wife have no shame? Once his father was buried, the wife continued and it became more obvious her affection towards Carl. It was almost as if she wanted to get caught.

Well her wish came true. David got off work early to surprise his children. He had been neglecting them lately with all the work that had piled up for him. When he entered his room, he caught his own wife in an act of indecency. He got out his gun from his closet and pointed it at them.

“Get out!” Carl left with a blanket only able to cover half his body. His wife moved to the corner of the bed also only covered with a sheet of cloth.

“Don’t shoot! I love you. I’m sorry.”

David began to tremble. To be betrayed once was enough, but to be fooled twice he knew who the idiot truly was. As he lay down the gun and dropped to his knees, his wife put on her clothes and packed her belongings.

“Why…why…why,” he whispered those words all night but was never given a response. He trusted the most the very ones who betrayed. He gave up on those who were his only loyal companions. In short, his perfect little life had crumbled.

The divorce was finalized. He would have the house, but the custody of the kids belonged solely to the wife. Due to the gun incident, he was deemed reckless and irresponsible by the judge.
Four years later, he got back on his feet. He was promoted from his lowly job and finished paying the mortgage to his new house. In his own way it was him starting anew.
On his way to work, he met an old beggar lady.

“Please sir. If you could spare some change.”

He hesitated for one moment but knew he couldn’t avoid giving money.

“Thank you.”

On his way to work the next day, he would see the beggar lady on the same spot as she was yesterday.

“Sir, could you please spare some change?”

“Don’t you remember me? You were here yesterday…”

“Was I? Hm…Ah, I was! Yes I know you.”

He handed her some money and left for work. This continued every day for the next two months, but one day she didn’t come. He noticed but left for work as usual. When he got back late at night she was standing there still as a doll.

“Are you okay?” David said in fright.

“Yes. I’m fine.”

He took her into his home so she could rest.

“How long have you been there?”

She doesn’t answer and pulls her shawl closer to her.

“Are you cold?” After a short pause he decides to grab a blanket from the closet.

“So where do you come from? Any relatives nearby?” This was his sad attempt of small talk.

“No. I’ve lived around this area for my whole life. As far as anyone is concerned, I don’t exist. After all, you would need someone to acknowledge your existence right?”

“Oh is that so. Hmm…interesting.”

“Yes, quite. What about you? I can’t quite grasp that you are living here all alone in this lovely big house."

"Ah. Well…it’s kinda complicated…”

“There’s no need to share. We all have secrets we must keep at all costs right?”

“Nah…it’s not like that. Just that…well where do I start…”

He spent the night telling his life story to a complete stranger. The stranger became so immersed in his story it almost seemed like she was reading it out of a book.

“So that’s been life up to know pretty much anyways.”

“And?”

“And?!”

“You are planning on getting your family back right? You’ve basically lived your life becoming the complete opposite of who your wife left you as. You can’t hide from me how you really feel. I may not interact with many, but I can read their emotions as good as they can themselves.”

“Get them back? Hmm, that’s interesting as well.”

David had thought about this day and night. Finally, in the spur of the moment, he visited his second wife and his children. While his ex-wife and him had a conversation, they both had high hopes of getting back together…not only for the kids, but they both admitted to still having a flame still burning inside them. Upon his now wife and the children moved into his house, the beggar lady never made an appearance again.

“David, can you take of Min and Caine. I have to take Carl Jr. to the hospital for his check-up. He’s been fussy lately too. I’d like to ask the doctor more about it.”

As she left the driveway, David felt a pain in his heart.

“Hey, I’ll be gone for a while. Don’t tell mommy though or she’ll get mad.”

He grabbed his coat and drove off.

“Who’s there?”

“It’s me, David. You remember?”

“Wh-at do you want?”

“I came here to apologize. Over these four years I’ve come to the conclusion that my life was destroyed by my own hands…”

“I see,” Carl said in a sigh of relief. “I’m glad you’ve realized that. Now, good-“

“That’s not what I came here to apologize for. While I know my life has been ruined through my own misinterpretation, you pushed me to my ruin. I’m sorry Carl.” The sound of a gunshot echoed around the neighborhood. He quickly drove away.

As Carl’s death was being investigated, evidence was tampered with and they could not find the killer. By then, David had already sold his car miles from the murder scene and switched to his second car. No one would question anything about him then or ever. He lived in the moment and succeeded. He had lost his sanity, what pulled him in the right direction.

“David, you’ve changed. Please return to normal…if not for me, then for the kids! I-I can’t deal with this any longer. Please. I’m begging you! Tell your children everything will be okay.”

“And if I don’t? Get out and don’t ever turn back.” He turned his head away and in that split minute she left with her children…for good.

“David, can you hear me?! I’m your old friend. Do you remember? I’ve heard you need some assistance with something. Why didn’t you say anything? David!”

“Leave me alone!! If you don’t get off my property, I swear this bullet will go straight through your head." And with that, the photographer left. David’s last ray of light had disappeared.
----
(Flashback)-Teen days

“You know, when I die, there will be a lot of people that will miss me.”

“How so? I definitely won’t miss you.”

“They’ll definitely attend.”

“They’ll come to dance at your grave.”

“Quit with the jokes will you? I’m going to be someone in this world. Someone who will be noticed. Maybe the newspapers and reporters will report my death.”

“Wow, that’s some creepy aspiration you have.”

“Just wait. I’ll prove you wrong. Then you’ll have nothing to talk about but praise and good words in your eulogy.”

“That’s only if I come right?”

(Flashback ends)

Here David’s stone lies written on it: David Humes 1964-2010. The outcome of those who came to his funeral was eye-catching…not that there was much to see. No one came to his burial, but one visited frequently.

“David, you really should have treasured your second chance. I can’t thank you enough though. Your story has made me rich. May you rest in peace.”

(David)

“No! Someone save me! I can’t die…not now! My life…my life is too precious.!”

“Why are you so surprised? This is what you wanted isn't it?”

“Get out!! Leave me alone!”

“Huh? Aren’t those the very words you said to your wife and friend? You can only exist if someone acknowledges your existence. You have no one. No one hahaha!”

(David’s end)
Host and author are talking.

“So how does the book end?”

“Ah, that you’ll have to find out by buying a copy. I’ll leave you with David’s last words…”

Sometimes you just wish you were somebody else….

[skullreken]

A disappointing turn out, but thats to be expected given the time of the year and the fact that one of the usual competitors got himself banned hopefully we'll have a better turn out next time :/
Thanks for participating Sean and Candy I'm sorry to hear threat Candy will be leaving for a few months I hope to compete again. Given that this one has turned into a head to head I'm going to commission a head to head medal to be awarded to the winner in the next couple of days, this medal will be issued when ever there are only two participants in future.

[skullreken]

This competition went to Serious Sean he showed excellent technique in the way he wrote the story. Presenting the story as if it were an extract allowed it to move at a measured pace without stumbling while trying to find it's feet and establish itself. Rather than bungle the story by trying to explain who the characters were he gave glimpses in the dialog which help to peak the reader curiosity and draw them in to the story. Unfortunatly for Candy this isn't one of her best submissions the method of combining flash backs and jumps in time with strings of dialog proved to be sloppy it made it very difficult to understand what was going on or to make a connection of to the characters unfortunately if you cant make a connection to a character you cant really care about them or enjoy reading about them