Nice guys finish last

[Rynn]

It's lame but this video (song) has provoked me

Do you think that it's true?Are you more attracted to someone when he/she acts cold?

Yesterday I went out with a friend and she told me about a guy she was dating.He was different from most of the boys here,he was a gentleman which was strange for her and she didn't know how to treat him.She knows how to treat rude/bad guys who don't know how to act in front of a girl.
My expirience (most of all in high school) has teached me that obviously when I'm nice to the person I like,he doesn't care about me. -.- For example,in 8th grade I liked someone,was always really kind with him and maybe it was obvious that I liked him but he didn't pay much attention at me.In 9th grade I got over him and got more distant and he started calling me everyday,we became really close friends O_O In 10th grade I started liking another guy,everything seemed ok in the begining,at a certain moment he started being a jerk to me,he liked another girl and some of his actions disappointed me.I began avoiding him and he started chasing me -.- For example,I pretended that I don't see him and he started playing with my hair and doing other childish things.A few months after that another friend told me he liked me 2.

So what have you learned from your exprience? (doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl)

[Ryoga]

Well there's a pretty popular saying here, "girls prefer good looking jerks" or something like that, the point it, it's true. People do prefer others that are emotionally distant, and at times rude. Like I know this one girl who has a jerk for a boyfriend, and she supposedly broke up with him, but she was still dating him. He liked to make her jealous by flirting with other girls and telling her stuff like he wasn't in love with her anymore. Now she's back with him, and he still treats her like garbage, but she admitted to me that she likes being treated that way, even though she's constantly complaining about him.:/

To a degree i suppose that I used to be attracted to all the wrong girls, but I guess the more you feel ignored and rejected by the other, the more you want their attention. Though it is like that, doesn't mean that you have to accept it. Just try building up more self-confidence and self-respect for yourself, and eventually you'll be more drawn to an actual nice person.:)

[sakura-shin]

ahh rin-san
just so u know there is a frensh adverb *suit moi je te fuis , fuis moi je te suit * in which says when u follow me i'll run away from u and when u run away from me i'll follow you ><
unfortunately most girls/guys like to be treated badly and honestly no matter what i will never understand cuz even the reason itself isn't convincing at all
in what comes for me i always treat people nicely cuz it is who i am and there are limits of ppl's rudeness i can take but i never allow anyone to treat me badely and even my ex they always were nice and still nice since we still friends cuz i never cut my ties with ppls i know and love beside if he/she loves u for real they would never treat u rudely cuz it is a proof that they don't appreciate and respect u for who u are .
that's what i think though ^^

[74|\||\|3R]

._. *i keep having to write my posts twice cause i get signed out so excuse me if this is rushed...


I do not get what the attraction to Bad Boys and bad girls are. *yes girls can play this game too lol*
now id like to make the distinction between playing "hard to get" (Which is fine) and being downright demeaning to the person your interested in D: i'm just talking about the latter. I don't Get the Draw At all. ._. why are we obsessed with going to people that for appearances sake make it seem like they could walk away from you at any moment?... I have a family friend ive known for 15+ years. at this point shes like a sister, but she is "in love" with a guy that for all intensive purposes puts that video to shame. Hes rude inconsiderate and uses her constantly (i cant say enough bad things about him honestly ... and her friends have asked her why she is with him... all she says is, "He needs me" or "im helping him be better" this lead to me thinking about her situation alot.

*Warning. i dont claim to know anything im talking about. so i can be wrong. lol these are just opinions on a very confusing situation*


I think allot of it just comes from the pure want of positive reinforcement. we are driven from the time we're young to strive for validation of ones self. whatever the source. this is both good and bad. its the reason some people are driven to get straight A's in school or work out to have a body everybody wants. but what is it when this is turned to love .-. when someone freely gives the validation (ie: Mr/Mrs nice , their freely giving that person the validation we are all constantly seeking, why? because there is no reason to withhold it. But when validation isn't given (ie From the bad boy or girl) we are naturally compelled to seek it. We do not want to be denied out mental cookie ._. the person will bend over backwards for the slightest hint of validation and in the end become so dependent on it they know of no other source, or no other source is as rewarding .-. its a sad cycle and is downright manipulative when it comes to love. or so it seems to me. its like perverting what in all respects is depicted as honest and pure. between 2 people. it is a stark contrast to what happens in reality.

the other aspect i feel plays a part in the whole thing is the "White knight complex" it is natural to want to help others. its how we gotten to this point but if you care for someone you want to make them better >> and there is no better canvas for improvement then the problem child or bad boy. there is an allure and we want to understand what is going on behind the scenes. it may be natural but there is no need to get caught up in all that drama >.< or that is my personal opinion... .-.

In the end we like who we like but nice guys/girls will ultimately finish last in a majority of cases. and i think society as a whole needs to evaluate their own judgement on who they are looking for in a partner. just because a Bad boy shows a glimmer of kindness doesn't mean hes a diamond in the rough.

Sigh anywho... both men and women fall prey to this, and i hope one day it will all make more sense to me XD these are just my opinions at this point in time. look forward to more posts on this thread cause like i said. ive been mulling over this particular point for awhile.

*Cheers to all the nice guys and girls* a dying breed

[MsPandaB]

BTW I love Ryan and Kevin <3

I think that when a person was loving and kind at the begining of a relationship but then becomes a jerk its hard for the other person to leave them because they feel that if they stay with them that jerk will go back to the person they were. If it doesnt change some people just leave them but for others it takes longer to process the loss of someone they truely cared for.

[Bassmaster]

To be honest I am a gentleman because that is just how I am. Some people might think I let people step on me but it's more like I help them. I'm not a particularly imposing person so I get some shit from people occasionally but I change that quickly. I can understand how some people can stay with a person who doesn't have the best of personality traits but still. There is a limit as to how far I will go until I crack and just say forget it. I myself used to be quite distant with those that I dated but I realized that it wasn't who I was on the inside. I just had trouble conveying my feelings and have since changed myself for the better in my opinion.

[Bassmaster]

Reply #4, I like your analysis on this subject. I especially agree with the self validation topic and I like your portrayal of it as a mental cookie. Good work.

[blackfairy]

i think there are some reasons for a girl to be attrached to a "bad boy":
a bad boy has something wild and devilish and this is sometimes verz attractiv...
but some grils are attrached to a bad boy because they think that he might be only nice to her or that she might can change him...

The relaption between humen is very very complicatete....

[crwallenberg]

Can't say that I have really known too many people that go for the assholes.

As far as the saying that nice ones finish last... Define nice. Because yes the overly nice will finish last. No one wants a push over, someone who is afraid to speak their mind, always pleases you out of the fear of you leaving, can't make decisions for fear of you not liking them, etc. A relationship is a partnership that you need mutual respect. You can't get that if someone is basically your dog. But keeping balance in mind, I think most people really do want a nice and respectful partner.

As far as those who do go for the assholes, I think it is more of a stereotype and persona that can seem appealing to want or to be... also perhaps a wall or barrier for commitment fears and fears of relationships getting serious. I also think it's something that dissipates for most as they get older, as you mature and realize what you really want out of life and need out of a relationships... Get past the many hang ups of youth.

[Mugen2116]

In my opinion I think it all depends on age, when you're young you tend to go for the ones that are "bad" for you. As you get older you realize what it is you are looking for in a mate. But then again I could be wrong